Introducing Alexander John

Alexander John was born on Friday, July 8th, 2011 at 12:31 PM. He weighed in at a whopping 9lbs 15.4oz and was 21.5 inches long. And he has LOTS of hair. A lot. Dark hair, just like his dad. He's beautiful, and we're completely head over heals in love with him.

We went in at 10:00 AM for our 12:00 PM c-section. I was extremely emotional because a c-section is not what I wanted. I was torn between the joy of the impending birth of my son, and the feeling of loss for the birth I had hoped for. It didn't help that I started to have regular contractions while we were in the hospital room waiting. They were coming every 3-5 minutes. The nurse said they wouldn't even bother checking me for dilation since we were going to have baby soon anyway. I was thankful when the contractions stopped, simply because I didn't want to wonder if I would have soon gone into labor on my own. It would make the whole c-section thing even harder to take.

Shortly after we arrived, they put in an IV, which was problematic and painful since I apparently have small veins. My nurse wasn't able to do it, so she had to call the anesthesiologist to do it. Luckily, she got it in on the first try. It still hurt, though. :( Then my parents came to the room to help us pass the time until the surgery. My doctor came in and said everyone was ready to start a little early because they knew my dad had to work around 1:00 PM and I really wanted him to meet the baby before he had to go. I thought that was really nice that she remembered that and was trying to help make it happen. J changed into his scrubs, and soon I was being wheeled into the OR while J was ushered into the Daddy-to-be waiting area.

Once I was in the OR, they had me get into position for my spinal. A spinal is like an epidural, only it's put into a different part of the spinal column so it's a little more reliable than an epidural and it's a little stronger. They told me to let them know if I felt any pain in my legs and if so, to let them know which side. Almost immediately, I had to tell them that I had pain on the right side. They tried to readjust it for about 5 minutes, but I kept feeling pain on my right side, so they decided to start completely over. After they tried again, the same thing happened. Then I think they started to aim farther to the left, because I started to feel pain only on the left side. Eventually, they got it right. There must be something weird about my spine, because when I had my epidural with Isaac, it only worked on one side of my body. I feel like these two experiences must be related.

Anyway, after the spinal, they got me into position, and started to prep me for surgery. Then J came in, held my hand, and things got underway. It was SO much different from my last c-section. Last time, I couldn't feel anything. No tugging, no pressure, no nothing. This time, I felt pressure and tugging. It didn't hurt, I could just feel that something was being done to me. Also, this time I only felt slightly nauseous. After I told them that, they gave me Zofran and I felt better. Last time, I was dry heaving during the entire surgery. It was awful. I was thankful to avoid that this time.  The nurse who was standing by my head was super nice. I really liked him. He was very attentive, and made sure I let him know if I needed anything and was constantly checking to see if I was okay. He helped make this experience much better than I had hoped.

When it came time for baby to come out, I felt like someone was sitting on my chest, pushing baby out from the top. I honestly think that's what was going on. I don't remember any of that from last time. It was weird. Then the doctor said she could see him. She said he was huge! Here exact words were "Oh, look at that chubbers!" All of the sudden, there was my Alex, being held up over the curtain. He had so much hair! I couldn't believe it! They had James go cut the umbilical cord, which is largely ceremonial because the cord was already cut, he just cut it shorter. I remember laying there, watching them clean him off and thinking "He's not that big. What are they talking about?" Clearly, I am not versed in what a newborn should look like, because I was shocked when they announced his weight. 9lbs 15.4oz! Although, I still didn't think he looked that big. He carries his weight well. LOL.

Everyone was in good spirits. Jokes were being made about his chunkiness and his hair. My favorite nurse said when they announced his weight, "Probably about a pound less without all that hair!" Then they gave Alex to J for him to bring to me. My nurse took pictures of the three of us. Everything was wonderful. So much different than last time. This was not just a routine surgery, this was an experience. Soon it was time for J and Alex to head to the nursery, although I feel like they stayed with me much longer than last time. I was feeling very positive about the whole experience. Not at all what I had expected.

Not long after my boys took off for the nursery, I started to feel something on the right side of my abdomen where they were working at stitching me up. This was not just pressure and tugging. This was pain. I told my nurse that I could feel something. He asked what it felt like, and I told him a dull pain. It was hard to describe. He said to let him know right away if it got sharper or unbearable. After about 30 seconds, the pain got sharp. It hurt like someone was slicing me. I told him immediately. He was shocked, but it seemed that my spinal was wearing off. He ran off to get me some pain meds to put in my IV. I started to cry and breathe Lamaze style to deal with the pain. I heard the doctor say, "Can we get her something, please?" Then the pain started to ease up and I started to feel loopy. I can't remember what they gave me, but it was some sort of narcotic. Fine with me, I just wanted the pain to stop.

Then, my nurse chatted with me. I guess he has a son named Alex James. And the doctor chatted with me. My c-section was her last task before going on maternity leave (she ended up having her baby on Sunday, we were in the hospital at the same time). I didn't feel nearly as alone as during my last c-section. Last time I had excess bleeding, so there wasn't much chatting going on and the mood was not nearly as light. The doctor told me that it couldn't have gone better, although I disagree - I could have done without feeling them sewing me up. She also said she thinks I made the right decision about the c-section because he was so big. It made me feel better about it, too.

We spent the next three days gushing over our new addition. We had lots of visitors, and lots of help with Isaac. Both of which were much appreciated. I had a pump full of morphine where I could just push the button whenever I needed it. I felt amazing! I even was able to get out of bed and move to a chair ALL BY MYSELF the evening of my surgery. It wasn't even that painful. Last time, I remember crying when I stood up the next day because it hurt so bad. We got discharged on Monday morning.

So far, Alex is a little more high maintenance than Isaac was when he was a baby. He is awake a lot more, eats a lot more, and cries more than Isaac did. I had a hard time keeping up with his appetite, so breastfeeding didn't last long. He would latch on, and get frustrated because he couldn't get as much milk as he wanted, then unlatch and cry and cry and cry. Right now, I'm just pumping and giving him bottles of breast milk a few times a day. It makes me feel better to give him what I can. It's better than nothing. I had a low supply with Isaac, too, so I'm not surprised that it didn't work out. Thank goodness for my breast pump.

Anyway, things are going well and we're doing our best to adjust to being a family of four. Isaac seems to really like his baby brother, and likes to go over to him and talk. I'm not sure if he's talking to him or talking about him, but it's really cute. And he's obsessed with his toes. he always goes over to Alex and says, "Where toes go?" LOL. And Mommy gets a lot more snuggle time with Isaac because he is just a tad bit jealous.

Thanks to everyone for all the messages and texts. We appreciate all of your well wishes and congratulations. We're so very happy!

C-Section Scheduled for Friday

This post is bittersweet.

On Tuesday, we had our 39 week doctor appointment. First, we went in for the NST, which went well. Baby did need some stimulating, though. They have this little instrument, like a little horn on a speaker, that they hold up to your belly and try to startle baby with in order to get him moving. But he responded to it, so all was good. The only thing that wasn't good was my blood pressure. I was not surprised by this, because I had a lot riding on this appointment. The information we got from it could make or break my VBAC, so naturally, I was a bit anxious. They took my BP again after about 20 minutes and it was better, but still a bit high.

So after the NST, we went in to the exam room to wait for the doctor. She came in and checked my cervix, which, to my dismay, was still very high and closed up. She said she didn't even think she could call it 1 cm. I was confused because last week she said I was at 1 cm, but she said that last time she was being generous. She then sat down and told me that she doesn't think that a VBAC is going to happen. She's concerned that if we wait, my high BP is going to give way to pre-eclampsia, and that her medical opinion is that we should have a c-section toward the end of the week. I instantly started crying. I don't want a c-section. She then proceeded to tell me how she never really thought I would have a successful VBAC, but was willing to let me try. She said it was our choice, but at 39 weeks, baby is "better out than in".

She gave J and I some time alone in the exam room to discuss our options and what we'd like to do. J was ready to take the doctor's word as gospel, and do the c-section. Of course, he's not the one who has to deal with the physical and emotional repercussions of that decision. And he hasn't done nearly the amount of research that I've done on the topic. I know he's worried about me and the baby, but he clearly doesn't understand or feel that my concerns are valid. We discussed (argued) for a while, and I finally conceded. When the doctor came back in, she said she was going to admit me to L&D to be monitored for a few hours and get some blood work done to look for signs of pre-eclampsia. Plus, that would give us more time to discuss things.

Well, I decided to stay strong. I didn't want to feel as though I was being pushed into a c-section, when I feel so very strongly about NOT having one. So I said no. I'm not having a c-section. So when the doctor came to our hospital room to check on me, I told her that I was not ready to commit to a c-section yet, and we scheduled an ultrasound for Friday, followed by another appointment with the doctor. Then on Monday, we would do another NST and have an appointment with our new doctor (since my doctor is going on maternity leave next week). I made sure to ask her, just in case, what to do if we changed our minds and decided to schedule a c-section, and she said to just call.

After I was discharged from the hospital, J and I talked more about waiting vs scheduling a repeat c-section. At this point, I was just getting so worn down by the whole thing, that for some reason (which I'm having trouble remembering now) I decided it would be okay to just schedule it. So today, we called. And our baby's birthday will officially be this Friday, July 8th.

And it's scheduled at noon. This was another disappointment for me because my dad has to work at 1pm that day. His job is not one that really allows day off. That sounds weird, but I'm not kidding. It would mean a lot to me if he would be able to meet his new grandson before he had to leave. But apparently that was the only time she was available on Friday, so that may not happen. However, sometimes they get called for work late, like 2 or 3pm, so I'm really crossing my fingers that that's what will happen.

When I spoke to the doctor, I asked her a few specific questions about the process. My first request was that after J and the baby leave for the nursery, that my mom be able to come in and stay with me for the remainder of the surgery. Last time I felt so alone in there, without my husband and without my baby, making small talk with the nurses while I was being stitched up. That was hard for me. But to my dismay, the doctor said no, that wasn't possible. Apparently not even J would be allowed to stay for that part. Again, I cried. Here I am, trying to make this c-section experience, which I don't even want to being with, easier to take, and I can't even do that. The one request she did consent to was pulling the curtain down when it's time for baby to come out so I can see him enter the world. Moms who give birth vaginally get to experience that, so why shouldn't I?

I am so very excited to meet my sweet baby boy, but I also feel a deep loss for the birth experience that I'll never have. This is not how I wanted to do it, but it's going to happen anyway. And even though I've heard that recovering from a second c-section is 10 times easier, I have a hard time seeing how I'm going to do it with a toddler and a newborn at home.

Anyway, I can't really go into my feelings very much right now because I just feel so emotionally drained. Now I just need to focus on getting ready for baby to come home. Tomorrow will be a busy day full of packing, making plans, and making sure everything is in order and ready to go.

Jumping on another train of thought - I wonder what he'll look like? Will he have light hair and blue eyes like me and Isaac, or will he have dark hair and eyes like his dad? It might be hard to tell at first, because Isaac had very dark hair when he was born and most babies are born with blue eyes.

I can't wait to meet my little boy and show him off to the world!

Two Weeks to Go!

Well, I'm 38 weeks pregnant now. That makes this my longest pregnancy - Isaac was born at 37 weeks 6 days. I sure hope his brother follows suit very soon.

We had a doctor appointment on Monday and it went very well. As usual, we had an NST before the appointment. Sequel was very cooperative today. They didn't even have to give me Sprite to get him moving! He was having a dance party, I think. I'm always relieved to find that he's not in any distress - one less reason for the doctor to suggest a c-section! :)

My blood pressure was very good, too! 126/84, or something close to that. My doctor was thrilled! And she was also very happy that I am finally starting to dilate, even if it was only 1 cm. She said she was totally expecting to have to have a conversation with me at this appointment to try convince me of a c-section because my blood pressure would be high, but since everything seems to be going very well she's still on board with the VBAC as long as I continue to progress at the next appointment. I left feeling very confident that I'll get a trial of labor.

Then, on Tuesday in the middle of the night, I thought that I might possibly be leaking amniotic fluid. I called on Wednesday to see if I could get an appointment so she could check. Apparently, my doctor has Wednesdays off, so the on-call doctor told the nurse to make me an appointment with a nurse practitioner. I went in, she checked me out, and as it turns out, my amniotic sac is very much intact. I am very relieved, because if your water breaks, you have to have a baby whether you are contracting or not (which I was not), so I probably would have ended up with a c-section. I was pretty disappointed however, when she checked me and I was still only 1 cm. Oh well, I guess I can live with that. After all, it had only been two days since I was last checked. But then she mentioned that my cervix is "still way up there" which means that baby hasn't dropped yet. Crap. Here I thought he was locked and loaded, but nope! He needs to get his little patootie down there and put some pressure on my cervix so I can dilate!

Also, I keep having these start-and-stop contractions. It's frustrating to know that they aren't doing anything. Every time I get them, I think "Maybe this is it!" and then when the contractions stop an hour or so later, I think, "Oh well, at least they're probably helping me dilate!" And then I find out that they aren't even doing that! Grrrr.

I only have one more appointment with my regular OB, and that's on July 5th. She starts her maternity leave on July 10th, but I was really expecting to have had the baby by then. Now I have to decide who I want as my backup OB, although I have a pretty good idea because I've had some really great recommendations. I am a little concerned, though, that my backup OB won't be quite as VBAC friendly as my current OB. My current OB knows how I feel about everything and has been pretty darn supportive thus far. I don't want to get to the delivery room and have a doctor who will not be on my side. I guess I'm just nervous about getting a new doctor because my current one has built my trust, and now I'll have to put my faith in someone totally new. Ugh. I just have to remind myself that it will all be over soon, and I'll have by baby boy in my arms no matter what.

Deep breaths.

One Month and Counting

We had an ultrasound today! I always love seeing baby. It's so fun! Especially this far along, he looks much less alien-like than he did before - more like an actual baby. It makes me realize how close we're getting! Anyway, Sequel looks great! He's still head down, fluid was good and all that good stuff. The tech said that his diaphragm was going up and down, indicating breathing-like movements, so that means good lung development. And he's measuring at... drum roll... 39w3d, which is all fine and good, except for the fact that I'm only 35w5d!! The u/s tech actually had to check her measurements. She thought I was due today instead a month from today. But we have to take this with a grain of salt because the tech said that it's accurate within 22 days. That means it could be off by three weeks. Either way, he's still measuring a bit ahead, but maybe not by as much as we think. Based on the measurements, the u/s tech estimated that he is 8lbs 4oz right now (give or take a lb). That's the 90th percentile! Even if you subtract 1lb for margin of error, he's still over 7 lbs. Isaac was 6lbs 13 oz when he was born at 37w6d. This kid is already bigger than his brother was when he was born! Eek!

Next we had our NST (non stress test). This consisted of me sitting on the exam table with two monitors strapped to my belly - one to monitor baby's heart beat, and one to monitor contractions. The goal was for baby to have two "accelerations" in a 20 minute period, meaning his heart rate had rise by 15 bpm twice in that 20 minutes. They also gave me a little button to press every time I felt him move. After about 5 or 6 minutes he wasn't moving a whole lot, so the nurse gave me a Sprite. That did the trick. Then he moved around like crazy and we got our accelerations. Everything looked great!

Finally, we saw the doctor for our appointment. She was very happy with how everything was going. My BP was 130/65, which she was happy with. She had a pretty frank talk with me about re-evaluating my VBAC, though. She said that she really believes that our bodies don't make babies that are too big for us to give birth to, and that I certainly can still plan on having a VBAC, she just wanted to lay all the cards on the table at this point. If this was a first pregnancy, or if I hadn't had a c-section before, she would probably suggest induction after 39 weeks because the baby is so big. Unfortunately, we can't induce for a VBAC (as I've mentioned before), so I'll have to go into labor on my own. She didn't seem very comfortable letting me go too far past 39 weeks because of his size, and I'm pretty certain that she won't let me go past 40 weeks. She also said that labor will be more difficult if this baby is a 9 pounder, and if I were to end up needing a c-section after my trial of labor, the recovery would be harder than it would be with a planned c-section. She said, if I get to that 39 week milestone and haven't had the baby yet, we'll have to have a more serious talk about scheduling a c-section.

To be honest, this is exactly what I was afraid of. I knew that if baby measured big, my VBAC would be in jeopardy. And I also know that ultrasounds later in pregnancy are much less accurate for measurements. I do know he's big. I can feel that. I'm much more uncomfortable than I was in my last pregnancy. My belly is bigger, and I've gained more weight than last time, so this news is not surprising to me. However, women deliver 9lb babies all. the. time. Heck, my mother-in-law's last baby was over 10 lbs. It's possible. And I want to try it. And I'm fairly confident that I will, indeed, go into labor before 39 weeks, although there are no guarantees. (Hey Cat, when do you want to come over and give me a foot rub? LOL)

James and I talked about it, and as of right now, here's how we feel: We will still plan for a VBAC, but we will schedule a c-section for July 8th. July 8th would bring me to 39w2d. If I haven't had baby before July 8th, that will be his birthday. For me, this decision really had nothing to do with his size. I feel like July 8th is a good date because it's not too close to Isaac's birthday (July 13th) and not too close to the 4th of July, and it's two days before our OB goes on maternity leave, so she would be able to deliver him. I am pretty comfortable with this decision, but I reserve the right to change my mind, of course. ;)

The OB also said that I'm past the point where they would intervene if I did go into labor. That means baby could come any time now! Although, I think it will be a few more weeks. I was only a fingertip dilated today, which is the same as I was on Thursday. I was hoping for a little more, but I know that it doesn't necessarily mean anything. Oh, and she also said that I still have to take it easy, but I can do a little more since my BP is down. Yay!

Ok, I'm cutting myself off now. This post has gotten really long. If you're still with me, thanks for reading. :)

Adventures in Labor & Delivery

Ever since our appointment on Monday, I've been monitoring my blood pressure with a cuff that goes on your wrist that I borrowed from my dad. Last night, I got some really high readings. Like, scary high. 160/100 high. Add to this the fact that I'd been having headaches for about a day and a half (which she said to watch out for), and I got a little worried. So I called the on-call number and spoke with the on-call OB. He said that the wrist cuff was probably not the most accurate, but I should definitely head up to Labor & Delivery to get monitored and some blood tests. This was at about 9:30 PM, so my parents came over to stay with Isaac (who was in bed), and James and I left.

Needless to say, I was freaked out. Here are some of the thoughts that were going through my head, "OMG, what if I have preeclampsia and they have to deliver baby TONIGHT?! I'm only 35 weeks! Are his lungs developed enough? Will he have long-term affects of being premature?" Yeah, I'm a bit of an overreactor like that sometimes. But when the doctor tells you to get your butt to labor and delivery asap, you tend to get a little scared.

So when we got to labor and delivery, the nurse took me back to the room where they keep the people who they aren't sure are staying. This particular room has three beds and they only really keep you there to be monitored, not if you're actually in labor. Thankfully, I was the only person in there. Anyhoo, the nurse took my blood pressure and it was in the 170s/115. Yikes! After a few more tries and doing different things that might help (switching arms, turning off the lights, etc...) she got a reading of 150something/108, so that's the one she recorded. Then the resident came in and said he talked to the on-call OB and they were going to do blood work and test my urine for protein, and that since my BP was so high, they were going to start me on a beta blocker called Labetalol.

We were there for a few hours. Poor James had to get up for work at 3am, so around 11pm, he went home and my parents came to keep me company instead. It seemed like a long night, and we didn't get home until midnight. Long story short, my labs all came back looking good, which was a huge relief. So instead of preeclampsia, I just have Pregnancy Induced Hypertension. This does put me at a higher risk of developing preeclampsia though, so I'm still on modified bed rest for now. That means no trip to the lake for us this weekend. Boo.

They wanted me to follow up with my regular OB today, so I called this morning and went in for an appointment at 1:30 PM. At the appointment, my BP was 140/88. She said I absolutely did the right thing by calling last night and that she was SO glad I did. She's going to keep me on the Labetalol and we're still shooting for a VBAC. But she explained to me that if my blood pressure gets too high or if I develop preeclapsia, a VBAC is pretty much out of the question because baby would have to be delivered early, and she won't use Pitocin if you've had a previous c-section (increased risk of uterine rupture, as I believe I mentioned in my previous post). But she made it clear that, at this point, there is no reason why baby would need to come now. I still have an ultrasound and another appointment scheduled for Monday, but she also added a NST (non stress test) to the list, which I believe I'll be doing weekly from now on. A NST is just where they have you lay there with a little contraption on your belly that monitors baby's heartbeat for about 30 minutes, just to make sure everything is okay.

And I just want to end by saying THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to my wonderful parents. They dropped everything to come watch Isaac so we could go to the hospital, they were more than happy to come chill with me at 11 PM, and they spent all morning/afternoon at my house to help me with Isaac so I could take it easy per doctor's orders. I do NOT know what I would do without them. They are truly amazing. I love you guys so much!

The News Could Be Better :(

Well, we had our 34 weeks doctor appointment today. Baby's heart is beating strong at 143 bpm. :)

And my blood pressure was high again. It looks as though I could possibly have the early signs of something called Pregnancy Induced Hypertension, which is essentially high blood pressure brought on because of pregnancy. The main concern with this is that it can lead to Preeclampsia. In order for Preeclampsia to be diagnosed, my blood pressure would have to be 140/90 (which it was today), and I would have protein in my urine. Fortunately, I only had a trace of protein in my urine today. Last time it was +1 for protein, so the fact that it is back to normal is good. I found out today that the blood work from two weeks ago was all fine and dandy. The nurse said that no news is good news.

My doctor is a little concerned since this is the second appointment where my blood pressure has been on the higher side. She told me today to stop working (which I'm not anyway because school is over), and that I'm not on bed rest, but I need to take it easy. Her words were, "The couch is your new best friend. Vacuuming is no longer your friend. Doing the dishes is no longer your friend." I'm glad James was there to hear it directly from the horses mouth or I'm afraid he would think I was making it up so he would have to do all the housework. Honestly though, it's going to be tough for me. I'm home all day with an almost-two-year-old. I have to make him breakfast and lunch and take him to the potty and change his diaper and stuff. Plus it's going to be hard for me to NOT do that load of laundry that's sitting in the basket, or that load of dishes that's piled up in the sink. Especially since I feel fine. I feel like I should be doing this stuff because I'm the one who's home all day. I already feel guilty about it.

She also had me get more blood work done. An hour after we left the hospital, I got a call from the generic hospital/clinic number on my cell phone. I got really nervous, thinking that they wouldn't call me if the results were fine. When I answered, I was fully expecting the nurse to say that my blood tests came back abnormal and I would have to go to the hospital to be monitored or something. Fortunately, she was just calling to tell my that the lab results were in, and everything looked good. Holy heart attack, Batman!

My doctor wants to see me back on Monday, so we're skipping right to the weekly appointments now instead of two weeks from now. We're also getting an ultrasound on Monday to make sure baby is growing ok. She said sometimes when you have high blood pressure for an extended amount of time, it can cause baby to not grow as much as he should. But she said I'm measuring a little ahead (as I have for the entire pregnancy) so she's not worried, she just wants to know for sure.

My sincere hope for our next appointment is that I will go in, my blood pressure will be back down, and everything will be hunky dory. (Do people still say hunky dory?) I don't like restrictions. And I really, really don't like what Preeclampsia could mean for my VBAC. If I end up getting diagnosed with it, the only way to get rid of it would be to deliver the baby. And they don't like to use labor inducing drugs for VBAC mom's as that increases the risk of uterine rupture, so that would mean the only way to deliver the baby would be another c-section.

So I'm trying to stay positive here, although it's hard. I've been so very emotional lately anyway, that it doesn't take much to reduce me to tears these days. I am currently accepting thoughts/prayers/good vibes/whatever you want to send my way.

Sequel Update

James and I went in for my 32 week doctor appointment yesterday! Man, I can't believe I'll be 33 weeks tomorrow! I had Isaac 5 weeks from where I am right now in this pregnancy. Crazy.

Anyhoo... baby is doing well. His heart rate was 135, which is good. He's still head down. Also good. I did have a little protein in my urine, though. The nurse told me this, and I know it's a sign of pre-eclampsia so I was a little nervous that my blood pressure would also be high (another sign of pre-e). Since I was nervous about it, naturally, it was higher - in the 140's over 93 (or 97, I can't remember). The doctor took it again a little later and it was 130-something over 90. Still high. So she had me do some blood tests and another urine test at the lab after my appointment to check my liver and kidneys. I haven't heard back yet, but I'm assuming no news is good news. When I had my liver enzymes checked after my gallbladder disaster, it only took an hour or so to get the results, so my doctor should have them by now. I won't even go into what would happen if I do have pre-eclampsia because I really think the doctor would have called me by now if I did.

The doctor also said that we'd have one more ultrasound before baby comes so that we can check his weight to make sure I'm not going to try to VBAC a 12 lb baby. I have mixed feelings about this, however. I know that late-term ultrasounds are not very accurate in predicting a baby's size, and I've heard stories about women who are told they're going to have 10 lb babies, and found out after the birth that baby was actually only 7 or 8 lbs. I really don't want large size to be the deciding factor for a repeat c-section, only to find out that baby was really nowhere close to as big as they thought.

Next up - our hospital tour! You might be wondering why a couple who's had a baby before would need a tour of the labor and delivery floor. Well, because they've remodeled. Or rather, they are in the process of remodeling. Unfortunately, this could mean that I'll have a roommate, which would suck. Big time. I can't imagine trying to recover from childbirth (especially a c-section), feeding your newborn every few hours, having visitors, and trying to rest all while someone else in the same room is doing all the same things but at different times! Talk about hectic! Sorry, but I really don't want to have to wake up every time my roommate needs to feed her baby. I barely want to wake up to feed my own baby! My doctor assured me, though, that if there are enough patients where rooms need to be shared, they will try to put you with someone who will be discharged soon. So, hopefully I wouldn't have to have a roommate for the entire stay. I guess we'll see what happens.

Our next appointment is on June 6th. I'll be 34 (almost 35) weeks then!

Three Months To Go!

Let me start out by apologizing in advance for my overuse of caps in this post.

I can NOT believe that in three short months I will be the mother of TWO kids! That's crazy! And I'll be honest with you, I am kind of expecting to have this baby a little early. Isaac was just over two weeks early, and my OB said that history has a tendency to repeat itself (although there are no guarantees). I'm half expecting to be in the hospital on Isaac's birthday. Which leads me to my second thought of the day.
..

I also can NOT believe that my baby boy is going to be TWO YEARS OLD in just three months. He's getting so big! Potty training will be happening soon. J and I decided we'd start after Easter. I'm not looking forward to it, but it needs to be done. And he's been telling us lately (although not consistently) when he poops, and sometimes when he goes into the bathroom, he'll say, "potty". Maybe that's a start.

And now for a comical, and slightly embarrassing story. Okay, it wasn't so funny while it was happening, but now I'm able to look back on it and laugh.

On Monday, while Isaac and I were walking out to the car in the morning, we both wiped out on the wheelchair ramp that leads to the driveway from the porch (the people who lived there before us had a child in a wheelchair, and we just haven't taken the ramp down yet, although it's on our to-do list). Isaac just whined a little, and he was fine. I, on the other hand... well, lets just say that I haven't had that much fluid escape since my water broke when I was pregnant with Isaac. So I got nervous and called the doctor, who had me come in for an ultrasound and an pelvic exam. Everything was fine. Turns out baby used my bladder as an airbag, and my water didn't break, I just peed a little when I landed. I've never been so happy to have peed myself! :) Oh, the joys of being pregnant.

...aaand I can't believe I just wrote a blog post about peeing my pants. What is the world coming to?

VBAC

This is very possibly one of the most difficult decisions I've ever had to make - to try for a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) or have a RCS (repeat c-section).

Isaac was born via c-section when, after 20 hours of labor, I hadn't dilated past a four. They even gave me pitocin after about 10 hours of little to no progress. My contractions were very strong and very close together, but did nothing. Was this due to the fact that my water broke at 37 weeks 5 days? Maybe. Or did my epidural, which only worked on half of my body, making it impossible for me to relax during contractions, play a role? Possibly. But who knows? I don't, and I probably never will.

Before I went into labor, I had a pretty open mind about my birth experience. I didn't have a birth plan, I was ready to roll with the punches. If I ended up with a c-section, oh well. If that's what needed to be done, then I'd be fine with it. Or so I thought.

Here's why I was not so ok with it.

First of all, J couldn't be in the OR with me until I was totally prepped. I was scared and emotional and I just wanted my husband to be with me. I kept asking when he could come in, and they kept saying "soon". Then there's the fact that I was puking for the entire surgery. Or at least I was trying to. Everything below my arms (including most of my arms) was completely numb because of my spinal (since my epidural didn't work), even my muscles. I felt the urge to vomit, and was trying to, but nothing would come up because my stomach muscles didn't work. It was awful.

Then when Isaac was finally born, they quickly showed him to us, then took  him over to the side to be checked over. That was fine, I could still see him (sort of, I couldn't have my glasses on, and without them I'm as blind as a bat). J went over and was able to cut the umbilical cord. Then he was able to bring Isaac over to me once he was all wrapped up in a blanket. I held him for a moment, but I could hardly feel my arms because of the spinal, and I was terrified that I would drop him. So I gave him back to J. It was hard for me to not be able to hold my newborn baby. Then they had J whisk him off to the nursery, where my parents and brother got to know my little boy before I did. And I wasn't even able to be there to introduce him. That was the hardest part for me. Luckily, my wonderful husband had the foresight to take lots and lots of pictures for me because he knew I'd want to be there for that. But it's still not the same.

Then of course, there's the recovery aspect. I hated the feeling that my insides were going to fall out every time I stood up. There were a lot of tears for the first few days when I'd have to get out of bed. Oh, and the most painful part was when I swollowed some water wrong and had a coughing fit. I thought I was going to die. I can't imagine trying to take care of a toddler AND a newborn while recovering from a c-section. I know I'll have help. I know J will be awesome. My parents will probably be around a lot, and J's parents will probably spend at least a weekend with us. Last time, I needed my mom to help me shower because when I lifted my hands above my head to wash my hair, it felt like my incision was going to burst open. And I couldn't bend over enough to wash my legs/feet. I just felt like I should have been doing more, but I just couldn't. Isaac will want his Mommy, and I'll want to be there for him too. I also can't help but wonder if the c-section was part of the reason that I couldn't breastfeed. Maybe, maybe not.

Emotionally, the c-section was very difficult for me. This was something I hadn't predicted. To be honest, I felt terrible that I wasn't able to do this very basic thing that my body was made to do. It wasn't that I needed the c-section because the baby was in distress. He wasn't. My body just couldn't do it, and that thought hurt me. Why can other women deliver their babies vaginally, but I couldn't? It wasn't fair. I had no idea it meant so much to me. Looking back, I do believe that my c-section played a role in my post-partum depression.

So knowing what an effect the c-section had on me, you probably think that trying for a VBAC would be a no-brainer, right? Wrong. According to my doctor, there is a 30% chance that I'll be able to have a successful VBAC. This number is mainly based on the reason for my last c-section - failure to progress. Women who failed to progress have a lower chance of successful VBAC. If I fall into the 70% category (failed VBAC), there is a chance that the results could be catastrophic. In any given VBAC, there is a 1% chance that the uterus could rupture along the incision site. The kind of incision that I had (low transverse) is the least likely to rupture, but it still happens. 1% odds might not scare some people, but it scares me. When I went in for my gallbaldder surgery a few months after Isaac was born, I was told there was a 1% chance that they wouldn't be able to do it laproscopically and would have to open me up. They kind of glossed over the details since it was rare, but told me that would include much more pain, about a week long hospital stay, blah blah blah. Well, guess what folks, I was one of the lucky 1%. So I am one of the few that understands that somebody has to be on the wrong side of those statistics. It could be me.

What would a uterine rupture mean? Well, it depends on how quickly the signs were recognized and how fast they'd be able to get the baby out and control the bleeding. I could lose my uterus. Or even worse, it is almost certain that there would be some sort of permanent damage done to the baby. Mental or physical damage, or even death. I just don't know how I could live with myself if that happened.

So that makes me question myself. Why do I have such a strong desire to try a VBAC? Is it because of how I might feel, emotionally and physically? Are my reasons totally and completely selfish?

I don't think they are. There are risks with a RCS, too. I haven't been able to find any concrete numbers on this, but I'm gathering that the risks are similar. Also, c-section babies are more likely to have respiratory problems because the fluid isn't squeezed from their lungs during their passage through the birth canal.

So, J and I have discussed it, and I have agonized over the decision for months. We've come to the conclusion that if we're given the opportunity for a trial of labor (TOL), we'll do it. There are various reasons why I wouldn't be allowed to VBAC. For example, pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes, past my due date  (maybe), etc. But none of these things were an issue with Isaac. Also, if there was a need for me to be put on pitocin or any other labor inducing drug, I think I would opt for the c-section, as labor inducers are known to increase the risk of uterine rupture. My doctor will do it, but she said "we need to be very careful with that."

We discussed our questions and concerns with our doctor at our last appointment. I asked how supportive and willing the other doctors in the practice are with VBACs. She said they are all very comfortable doing them. She further put my mind at ease by informing us that when they have VBAC mom in active labor, the OB on call or at the clinic during that time is required to be at the hospital the entire time in case things were to go south. That really made me feel better, because I was less than thrilled with the resident who handled most of my labor with Isaac, and I sincerely don't think he could have properly handled VBAC complications.

When we told our doctor that we were leaning toward VBAC, she said she thinks that it's very reasonable for me to try for one. She was very supportive, and indicated that the other doctors are, too. That was the clincher for us.

So, long story (not so) short, we'll be attempting a VBAC when Sequel comes. Assuming the stars align and I'm allowed to, of course.

Sometimes I really hate grown-up decisions.

It's a...

BOY!

Yep, Isaac is going to have a baby brother! And I am going to be seriously outnumbered by handsome boys in my house! :)

And he is, indeed, a bouncing baby boy. Emphasis on bouncing. He was all over the place during our ultrasound. Pretty much the only thing he actually wanted to show us was his junk. The u/s tech said, "I am literally chasing him around with this wand!" Needless to say, we have to go back before our next appointment and try to get pictures of the stuff they missed. We only got two pictures out of the deal, one picture of the money shot, and one picture that vaguely resembles a foot. No profile shot this time. :( But it was so fun to see him kicking and turning and just being so active. This one's going to be a trouble maker, I can tell...

I won't go into the whole VBAC vs. repeat c-section conundrum right now. I'll save that for a later post. But I will say that we had a wonderful discussion with our OB about it at our appointment on Monday and I think both J and I are feeling a lot better about our decision.

20 Week Update

Hello all! You probably noticed that I gave the blog a little face lift. I've been meaning to change it up a bit for a while now, but to be honest, I'm not totally sold on it yet... I need to give it a little time to grow on me. So it's very possible that it will change again in the near future.

In other news, I'm just over 20 weeks pregnant now! I'm feeling pretty good, but every now and again (like this morning) I feel like I just might throw up and feel super duper tired. I'm assuming this happens when baby hits a growth spurt. I'm feeling our little Sequel move around a lot lately. I started feeling movements around 14 weeks. It's true what they say about feeling movement sooner the second time. I don't think I felt anything with Isaac until 18 weeks or so, although with him I had an anterior placenta and this time I don't, so that probably had a little to do with it.

I'm also at the point where I'm getting up a lot at night to pee (I'd say the average is about 3 times per night). I was having some trouble sleeping a few weeks ago, but that has gotten better too. I've been waking up more rested and don't need to nap as much during the day (although I often don't have time to nap anyway).

J has been a great help with Isaac. The poopy diapers are pretty much entirely his responsibility these days because that smell can send me right over the edge. I know that sounds like an excuse not to change poopy diapers, but I speak the truth. I can't imagine being a single mom pregnant with a second child. It's hard to keep up with a toddler as it is, but pregnant and by yourself? No way, Jose. I just couldn't do it. I am very thankful for my husband.

Tomorrow is the big ultrasound day! I don't know why it's been so difficult for me to wait this time! I am just so excited to find out if Sequel is a boy or a girl! Although, I don't really care much either way, I just need to know! One the one hand, it would be nice to have a girl - I could shop for all those cute fru fru type clothes, and it would be kind of nice to have a boy and a girl, you know, one of each. Plus, then I wouldn't be outnumbered, lol. But on the other hand, if we have a boy, we will already have pretty much everything we need, even the clothes will be for the right seasons (unless this one is really huge or really small), Isaac would have a boy playmate (especially important since he has no boy cousins), and, I know this sounds silly, but I already know how to care for a boy. I feel like I'd be learning something completely new by raising a girl. So either way, we will be thrilled. I remember that after I found out that Isaac was a boy, he had so much more of an identity to me, and even though I didn't know it was possible, I felt like I loved him even more. I think that's why I'm so excited to find out what Sequel is. My baby needs an identity! And then we can start thinking about a name (yikes!).

So if you wouldn't mind, please say a prayer for our family today and ask that everything goes well with our ultrasound. All we hope is that Sequel is healthy.

My 100th Post!

I guess it took a while for me to get to 100. Probably because I rarely post anymore. Sorry. Life is busy.

Anyway, I'm 16 weeks pregnant now. Things are going well! We have another appointment on Monday, but this time it's with a nurse practitioner. We'll rotate between seeing my OB and the NP every other visit until we get closer to my due date. After this appointment, the next one will be in four weeks. That's when we'll get the BIG ultrasound. And yes, we do plan to find out what we're having.

The good news is that my nausea is finally starting to ease up. A lot of food smells still get to me, but I don't vomit as often now. I've also been feeling baby move every once in a while for a few weeks. That always makes me smile. However, I don't remember my last pregnancy being this painful. And by painful, I mean the near constant aching of my uterus. Also, when I move around in bed I can really feel my ligaments stretching. I've heard that second pregnancies are generally more painful, but I will still ask the NP on Monday at our appointment.

Also, we've named the pregnancy - Sequel. LOL.

In other news, this has been one crazy week for our vehicles. On Wednesday I finally got my long awaited remote car starter in the Rav4. Yippee! It's the Cadillac of car starters too - one mile range, two-way remote with an LCD screen that tells you if the car is running, how long it has left to run, the time, and if the doors are locked or unlocked. I think it can also tell the temperature inside the car, but I haven't tinkered with it enough to figure that out yet. I am in love.

Then on Thursday, I took the Nissan in to get new tires. I got the car in 2004 and we've never replaced the tires, so it's been a long time coming. We also had to get a new rim because it was bent from when J slammed into the curb a while back when it was icy. They also fixed the alignment. When I went to pick it up, the guy told me that we'll need brakes in about 10,000 miles. J drives the Nissan usually less than one mile per day, literally to work and back and we live very close to his office. That means we'll have to replace the brakes in about... let's see, 10,000 miles divided by 400 miles per year (and that's generous) equals... never.

I am so glad to have this week over finally! Whew, I made it to Friday!

Our First OB Appointment

Well, today was the day! We went in and chatted with our doctor (who we love!). After she gave me the full work over, she busted out the doppler and we tried to rock out to baby's heartbeat. Baby, however, had other plans and decided to be stubborn, so the doc couldn't find it's heartbeat. She said it was no cause for concern and that at this point, sometimes you just can't find it. But she said "We always want you to leave here knowing that baby is ok," so she sent us in for an ultrasound. I wasn't too worried because the same thing happened with Isaac. Anyway, we headed down to have the ultrasound done and saw that little heart just beating away! Baby is measuring 12w6d, which is prett spot on considering that I'm 12w5d today.

Here is our little peanut!

Happy New Year!

As we are on the verge of 2011, I think of all the things the new year might bring. A new family member, joy, change, sleeplessness, happiness... probably more blizzards, lol! I look forward to all the good times ahead, and pray that the hard times will be few and far between.

We aren't doing much for New Years Eve. We're having a blizzard right now (which I was hopeful would miss us since we were supposed to get it two days ago). We ordered Chinese food for supper and are being lazy and watching TV. We're perfectly fine with that. I plan to go to bed soon, and I'm putting my cell phone on silent so I won't be awakened by the inevitable "Happy new year!" texts that will come at midnight.

Today I became an auntie for the 5th time. Another beautiful baby girl - Jaclyn Rose. This means that Isaac is STILL the only grandson out of six grandchildren. We were kind of hoping for a boy this time, just so Isaac could have a playmate. But we're very happy to have another niece! Welcome to the world, Jaclyn!

Now on to OUR baby... :)

Our first prenatal appointment is on January 3rd. This is a far cry from the last time I was pregnant. With Isaac, I had a family doctor who delivers babies. Since I had a c-section last time, I had to switch to an OB/GYN for this pregnancy. Our old doctor saw us at 5 weeks, 9 weeks, and 13 weeks. Last time we saw the doctor three times already by the time we'll see this new doctor once. However, I'm fine with this. Anyone who's ever had a baby knows that the first few appointments are just about hearing the heartbeat and, as long as everything sounds fine, they send you on your merry little way. I'll be sure to update the blog after our appointment.

On January 3rd, I'll be 12w5d. Should be far enough along to hear the heartbeat! But along with this knowledge comes a plethora of worries. Like that we won't be able to find a heartbeat, or something else will go wrong. I just don't think I'd be strong enough to handle it if something happened to the baby. I try not to think too much about things like that though, or I'll go crazy.

As it is, I know that baby is alive and kicking because of the massive amounts of nausea I've had to endure lately. I hate morning sickness, but it does tell me that I am indeed pregnant and baby is growing. I think the nausea and vomiting is harder for me to handle at this stage in my pregnancy because I know it should be going away now-ish. Morning sickness generally only lasts through the first trimester, which for me is over in about a week. However, I almost feel as though it's just starting to get worse. It doesn't matter what I eat, I get a terrible aftertaste in my mouth, so I've been going through breath mints like they're, well... candy. Lots of food smells make me want to toss my cookies, too. Even just opening the fridge makes me gag. It doesn't smell bad, per se, it's just a smell that gets to me. And if there are leftovers of any kind in there that give off any type of odor (ex: pizza), forget it. I hold my breath when I open the fridge. Also, the change in temperature when I go outside makes me gag. I'm not sure why, but that's how it works for me. I do a lot of gagging these days. I am looking forward to this part of the pregnancy being over.

Questions Answered

When people find out that someone is having a baby, it seems as though everyone has the same questions for them. At least, that is what I've noticed. So I thought I'd write a post answering those common questions that I've answered 100 times in the two months since I've gotten pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind answering them over and over again. I love talking about my baby and our future plans (most of the time). So don't feel bad if you're one of the 100 that have asked. I don't find it annoying... yet. :)

Do you want a boy or a girl?
Since our first baby was a boy, people always want to know if we'll be disappointed if we have another boy. The answer is no, of course not. We'd love to have a girl this time because we want the experience of raising both a boy and a girl, but if God decides to give us two boys, we'll be perfectly fine with that. All we want is a healthy baby - cliche, I know, but true.

Are you going to have any more kids after this one?
Probably not. Although I'm not totally ready to commit to that answer just yet. We'll see how it goes. If we do have another, it wouldn't be until Isaac is in school. As James said, "We could always have that one baby who's so much younger than it's siblings that everyone wonders if it was an accident." LOL.

Are you going to buy a bigger house?
Not right now. We probably won't move for another four or five years. We're perfectly happy in our house right now. I used to think that each kid needed their own bedroom because that's how I grew up. James, however, grew up in a small, three-bedroom trailer house with his family of six. He never had his own room until his 3rd or 4th year in college. Kids can share rooms. I am concerned about having an infant and a toddler in the same room - that they'll wake each other up (mainly the little one crying and waking Isaac up). But it will work. People do it all the time. Plus the baby will be in a bassinet in our room for a while right away. Also, we've put so much work into our house that it feels like it's a part of us as a family - part of our identity. To be totally honest, I will be a little sad to leave it.

My Big Announcement

Ok, here it is.

I'm pregnant!!

Baby #2 is due on his/her big brother's birthday, July 13th! We were a bit surpised by this one, not because we weren't trying, but because it happened on our first cycle of trying. When we were trying to get pregnant the first time, it took us 6 cycles. We decided we wanted our kids to be 2-3 years apart in age, so we started trying in October. We figured if it happened right away, they'd be 2 years apart, and if it didn't happen for 6 or 7 or 8 months, that would be ok too.

We're thrilled! It may be hard to have two little kids only two years apart, but once they get a bit older I think it will be great! They'll be interested in the same type of stuff at the same time (or close). For example, if we were to go to Disney World, they would both be into it rather than one being too old for it, or one being too young. Also, my hope is that they'll be close - and by close, I mean like friends.

Here's how we found out:
I wasn't temping and charting like I was last time, but I was using ovulation tests. I started using them around cycle day 14 (I know from last time that I ovulate later than average, like day 18 or 19). I also get ovulation pain, so I pretty much know exactly when it's happening. I am pretty in tune with my body. So anyway, on the evening of Monday, November 1st, for some odd reason I felt this very strong compulsion to take a pregnancy test. It was totally stupid because I was only 8 dpo (days past ovulation), which is way too early to get a positive test. Plus it was at night, and you're supposed to test with your first morning urine because the pregnancy hormone is more concentrated. I knew I was going to get a negative result, but I tested anyway. I waited about 10 minutes before I even looked at it because I wasn't expecting anything. When I looked at it, I initally saw nothing. I looked very close, put it closer to the light, tilted it this way and that, and I'll be damned if I didn't think I maybe, possibly saw the very faintest line. I wasn't convinced. I thought it must be an evaporation line or something. So I brought it to J and said "Do you see a line?" He did the same things as me, looked at it under the light from all sorts of different angles. I was surprised when he said, "Hmm... maybe." Neither of us were sure though. I shrugged it off as a fluke and told J that I'd test again in the morning.

So the next morning came, and I got the same result. Maybe a line, but not sure. This is when I started thinking that I could actually be pregnant! So after work on Tuesday I stopped at Kmart (I don't usually shop there, in fact, I hate Kmart, but it was close and I wanted to know!) and bought a Clear Blue Digital. No ifs, ands or buts. This test would give it to me straight - pregnant or not pregnant. So I ran to the bathroom as soon as I got home, and used it. Low and behold - PREGNANT! I showed J when he got home. We were both shocked! And excited, of course!