When Opportunity Knocks...

You know that feeling when you have a decision to make, and you want to make the easy, safe decision, but you know you should make the other decision? I'm there.

First let me start by saying this: Two years ago when I applied to be a para-educator in my district, I was hoping to become a library para. My mom is a library para, and she loves it. I pretty much know what that job entails and I think I'd really like it. It's a good mix of technology, teachers, students, and office work. As it was, there were no jobs like that available when I applied. But there was a special education para job available.

Out of desperation to get out of my accounting job, I accepted a position as a special education para at an adolescent treatment facility with an in-house school. It turned out to be a very good job for me - one that I liked very much.

At the end of the 2008-2009 school year, the teacher that I worked with, Mr. E, informed  me that he had accepted a position as an interventions teacher at a local middle school and would not be back next year. I was terrified! Terrified that I would get along with the next teacher. Terrified that he/she wouldn't know what to do and I'd be running the place (which they don't pay me enough to do). Terrified that they would dissolve the program entirely and leave me, pregnant at the time, without a job.

Then Mrs. G, the summer school teacher came along and, due to a crappy principal at her last school, got reassigned. Although she didn't seem too thrilled about it at first, I was. It turns out I got along with her even better than I did with Mr. E, and my year ended up being rather enjoyable, despite a few snafu's brought on by the students (which is pretty normal where I work).

Fast-forward to yesterday. I looked on the school website and saw a job posting for a library para position at an alternative high school for at-risk students.

I was so very torn. I had gotten comfortable at my job. I know how to do everything, I know all the rules, I know what's expected of me, and I like it. But this library position is what I had wanted since day one. Besides, Mrs. G only had to work there for at least two years, so that would mean after this year we might be getting another teacher. Another teacher whom I might not work well with. And who knows how long that teacher will stay. I don't want to be in a position where I have to adjust to a new teacher every other year. But my mom knows the librarian at this potential school, and doesn't seem to think much of her. But she'd only be there once a week on Tuesdays, so it would pretty much be MY library. But what if someone asked me something I didn't know? There would be no one to help me. But once I got comfortable, it could be a very good change. And the pay is better.

But, but, but...

Those are the scattered thoughts that went through my head last night as I filled out the online application. Then, sometime around 11pm, I finally gathered up the courage to hit the "submit" button.

So, there you have it. I applied for a new position. And I do hope I get it, but it makes me nervous because if I get an interview, and if they want to hire me, all these thoughts are going to run through my head again and I'll have to decide if it's really what I want. Then again, I may not get it, so all of this could be totally pointless.

Such is life, I guess.